Fake It Till You Make It … or Till You Feel It!
As some of our clients will know, at Condor Performance, we are big fans of the ‘fake it till you make it’ concept. However, potentially because of the word “fake” and what it implies, this catchphrase is often misunderstood. So am I glad that I have finally had the time to write something on the subject.
It is worth noting that in my consulting work as a sport psychologist, I typically use the phrase ‘fake it till you feel it’ rather than ‘fake it till you make it’. I do this intentionally. Making it implies reaching a goal, and in much of the work I do, continual improvement is the main aim. You may be surprised to learn that I am often unaware of my clients’ goals.
Fake it till you feel it gets to the very heart of the main model my colleagues and I at Condor Performance use to help our clients improve – psychological flexibility.
Human Thoughts, Feelings, and Actions
Despite popular opinion, our thoughts, feelings and actions are all separate from one another.
Although changing our actions will invariably affect the other two, one of the aims of psychological flexibility is to ensure that our actions remain intact and aligned with our values despite natural variations in emotions and cognitions.
And this is due, in part, to the varying amount of influence we have on each one. I’ve intentionally used the word influence rather than control, as I find the word control can be very black-and-white. “I can control this, but I can’t control that”, for example. In reality, we can’t really control much at all if the word “control” is used as a synonym for “guarantee”. We just have varying amounts of influence on preparation and competition factors.
- Fact: We have more influence over our actions than over our thoughts.
- In turn, we have more influence on our thoughts and our feelings.
- Therefore, logically, we have much more influence over our actions compared to our feelings.
In other words, we have the least amount of influence over our feelings by far and by far the most amount of influence on our actions. And this is especially true when these same actions (e.g., a left jab in boxing) have been repeated often enough that muscle memory takes care of the biomechanics. Basically, you don’t need to think about how to do it; you just do it. Most adults who have been driving for a long time will be familiar with this feeling.
The Spectrum of Influence
Just to drive the point home, if we were to arrange thoughts, feelings, and actions into an influence ranking system, actions would be at the top and feelings at the bottom. Thoughts would be in the middle, following?
So, if we return to the “fake it till you make it” or “fake it till you feel it” concept, this premise becomes clearer as psychological advice. The faking-it part is actually all about body language. It is about portraying a certain emotion (or lack of) from the outside, irrespective of what you’re actually feeling on the inside. Faking it, certainly by my interpretation, is not about pretending to feel something that you’re not.
So, as my colleague Dr Harley De Vos explained in this article, competence is far more valuable than confidence. Now, in the work that we do, this is most often in the context of the skill execution itself. But it can and should be extended to some of the less obvious actions pertaining to performance.
One of these is body language. How competent are you at body language? Of course, there is one type of performer for whom learning to display various emotions, irrespective of their own feelings, is a prerequisite. They are actors, and if they can, surely we can as well.
Body Language Basics
One of the hidden bonuses of working on your body language is that you are effectively practising one of the fundamental aspects of psychological flexibility. When working on your body language, you will need to choose a look – for example, confident – and work out how your actual feeling – let’s say, embarrassment – does not override your facial expressions, head position, posture, etc.
Often, the most effective body language from a performance perspective is very neutral. I am not one for histrionics. Great body language should keep your opponents guessing. Hence the term ‘poker face’.
Conclusion
As I have become known for saying in recent years, “they don’t hand out gold medals for who was thinking or feeling the best”. Very importantly, thoughts and feelings needn’t affect our actions. Especially if these actions are well-rehearsed. However, it is quite acceptable and normal for our actions to have a one-way impact on our thoughts and feelings. And with this, the rest of the concept of “fake it till you make it/feel it” is complete. Basically, we fake it – we act confidently from a body-language perspective without necessarily feeling it, and this often leads to increased confidence.
Want some professional assistance with all of this? Contact us today.
